Hello world, I need to explain why I have been out of commission and why I hope it is soon to be over.  I am pregnant.  Yes, you have read this correctly.  Although, I would like to say it was planned and happily agreed upon, it was the opposite in many ways.  Although I wanted more kiddos I believe I had come to accept it was not in my future.  I can not lie though and say I still had a small amount of hope.  Oh well, the acceptance seemed stronger as I was giving away all of Jack’s clothes to friends with boys as well as toys and all other sorts of baby things.  There you have it, it is true.

So, how in the heck did this happen?  Well, I am pretty sure you know how, but what I think you want to know is this.  Although my cancer was hormone positive I was never put on tamoxifen and well I never asked as the side affects alone scared me.  Months after chemo ended the ride tide returned and I have never been more regular in my entire life.

The next thing I know I am at school and starving all the time.  I mean starving.  I could not get enough food in my mouth and keep it there to satisfy my screaming stomach.  That Friday I come home and am utterly exhausted.  I feed Jack dinner, bath the boy and put him to bed.  I then hop in my own bed and am sound asleep by 7:30.

I wake up the next morning, remembering my dream and staring at the baby monitor.  It is true, I dreamed I was pregnant.  I ran to the bathroom and found a 3 year old pregnancy test.  Yes, I took it and it confirmed my dream.  I then sat in the bathroom staring at the old test, when I realized I needed to get more test and see if this one was accurate or just plain old.

At 7 am I hand Stuart the monitor and tell him I am going to the store.  I head to the store closest to my house and they have no test.  I than walk next door to CVS which is closed.  So, I get in my car to drive down the road to the 24 hour CVS. I bought 4 digital pregnancy test and three bottles of water.  I drank the water and took all of the tests.  Yup, they all came back positive.

So I sat again for what seemed life eternity in the bathroom wondering what was going to happen to me, my health, my family and how in the heck was I ever going to tell Stuart?

Here is how that went down.  I said, ” I have to tell you something”

“What, did you reck the van?”

“No”

“Are you Okay?”

“Yes”

“I give up”

Here is where I handed him the test and looked at the television.  I forget the rest of the conversation, but I am confident and the next few lines.  He went outside and cut the grass for hours, and then edged the whole house and every flower bed we have.  I think the gutters came next.